White Lighter

  1. Prelude
  2. Prelude

    Lyrics coming soon!

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  3. Artificial Light
  4. Artificial Light

    in the beginning
    there was one source of light
    that would die and come back every night
    as a woman showing off her thighs
    just a little bit at a time

    in the beginning
    everyone bowed their heads toward the light
    they would dance and eat their friends alive
    we were not happier then
    but these were simpler times

    now we all play
    we’re the moth we’re the flame
    we were aware of the danger
    but we could not keep away
    my eyes are open

     

    in the beginning
    i was standing out in the yard
    with my father pointing up at the stars
    i asked do you think there is life on mars
    is their life like ours?

    from here i see a light left on
    in a house like mine and out in the lawn
    there’s a man like you then a smaller one
    i looked in the mirror
    i have seen my son

    o i know how the universe it shows itself
    it’s always getting bigger like you
    i was told that i’d grow up to be myself
    i thought i would get bigger too

     

    look what i have found look what i have found
    an artificial light we come and gather around
    this is why we have lovers and why we have fighters
    this is why the arms race, the particle colliders
    mine is a humble flame just a little white lighter

    and it belongs to me

    i woke up in the morning
    to a pale light tangled in your hair
    i never wake before you
    but this time i caught you sleeping there
    yes you are my sunlight
    you are my last breath of air
    and i would try to hold it
    i would try to keep the moment
    like a photograph of the sunset
    like a little kid with a bug net
    like a dying man i swear

    you belong to me
    you belong to me
    if you belong to anyone
    you belong to me

    but i have no other place to keep you safe
    but in my shaky ever shaking melody

    the light goes off
    hope it comes back on
    i’ll be here in my familiar haunts
    with a broken jar
    and a stolen song
    wait for the light
    to come back

    on

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  5. Young Fathers
  6. Young Fathers

    i was born in september
    and like everything else i can’t remember
    i replaced it with scenes from a film
    that i will never make

    and i blinked it was over
    i was thinking my life would get slower
    that i would sort this shit out when i’m sober
    that you’d be better now that you’re older

    i read the scares on the front page
    they say we’re waiting around for an ice age
    they say our comforts they come with price tag
    we cured the cancer but discovered a new plague

    they say just think of the children
    and imagine the world that we’ve willed them
    all populated with weirdos to kill them
    and break their hearts

    everybody knows
    that this the end
    it’s now a fashionable
    dinner-party-conversation

    now i’m as old as you were when you had me
    should i be afraid, should i start a family?
    raise ‘em in the wild ’cause up against the city
    my love is such a small thing

    when you’re young you’re hot
    you had your whole life before you
    everyone will adore you
    you’ll grow up you’ll be an astronaut
    or anything you want

    but what goes up goes up in flames
    and now your choices surround you
    indecision confounds you
    and you’re pacing around in place
    shows you everything you’re not

    then in a brief fit  of romance
    you committed a soul without its consent
    to live a life as a form without its content
    because young people get bored
    everyday

    never went to church thought a song was going to save me
    so i wrote a hymn on the guitar that you gave me
    sang the words you spoke i’ll build a fire look for smoke
    you that hope is just a small thing

    i just called to tell you
    i just called to say
    learned all your mistakes
    you were my inspiration

    and it wasn’t all we hoped for
    but we shake it off and we say
    here’s your yellow ribbon
    i am you consolation

    i was born in september
    and if i die today
    just know i don’t regret you
    some things i can explain

    like

    it’s a slow descent
    it’s a life displaced
    every goddamned day

    i just called to tell you
    i just called to say
    learned all your mistakes
    passed down through generations

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  7. Morton's Fork
  8. Morton's Fork

    i told you ma
    i’d keep you safe
    when the sun expands to consume
    our house in flames

    i thought we lived forever
    a single obstacle in the way

    let it go let it go let it go

    it turns out that we are
    shit out of luck
    there are things in the woods that will prey
    on the things that you love

    and they’ll come through the fold
    this is the sound of a wild pack of hungry wolves
    i won’t lie to you, it will be painful
    it’s in your nature to fear what is natural
    and the sun will explode
    but not before you and everyone that you’ll ever know
    will be gone, long ago
    we are alone in this together
    all alone in this together
    all alone

    i haven’t slept in several nights and i’m not tired
    who protects the ones i love when i’m asleep?
    though there’s little i can do i say a prayer
    that when the wolves come for their share
    they’ll come for me

    ×
  9. Possible Deaths
  10. Possible Deaths

    every star is a possible death
    we gave ‘em names we called ‘em cancers called ‘em accidents
    the one that’s like a vulture circling my head
    it burned out five million years before i saw it

     

    count down the time that you have left
    in a jar try to catch try to capture it
    count down the time that you have left
    in the dark try to catch try to capture it
    count down the time that you have left
    in a jar try to catch try to capture it
    count down the time
    that you have left

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  11. The Lake
  12. The Lake

    a northern state in the summer time
    my uncle’s lake on the fourth of july
    outside the cabin my sister tried
    to call like the loon with her hands cupped tight
    up against her mouth as the fireflies
    became visible in the failing summer light
    a sparkler in my hand i went after them
    as they went out in the night
    i wandered down into a quiet place
    where the grass grew tall where it met the lake
    there was a different bug must have bit my leg
    though i never saw it

     

    back at home i cried in my room
    my closest friend the one that i confided to:
    i wanted her but she wanted you
    i was sick in bed i could barely move
    and then as my body turned against itself
    i prayed for death that i’d come back to be anyone else
    as sickness formed within my cells
    you never loved me like the way you loved anyone else
    you dig a hole dig it deep enough
    the truth buries itself and buries itself

     

    and i
    i disowned my
    own family
    all for love
    all for love
    and i was ashamed
    of my sister because
    she belonged to me
    when i wasn’t good enough

     

    i’m sorry
    you were the only thing
    i should have ever loved

    ×
  13. Dreams of Cannibalism
  14. Dreams of Cannibalism

    unhand me i am not a criminal
    though i’ve played a guilty part
    in the modern sense that one pretends
    their life is original

    i wrote a book and i will call it something cynical
    the story’s slow the hero does not change
    (and if he can then he won’t anyway)
    instead his foes and lovers all become identical

    i fled the country
    i thought i’d leave this behind

    but i built the same damn house
    on every acre i could find

    and i tried to fake my own death
    just shake the devils from my mind

    and i said
    unhand me i am not a criminal
    if i am i paid the man just let me go
    soon enough you will be dancing at my funeral

    ×
  15. One Hundred Years
  16. One Hundred Years

    i carved my name in the summer (of two thousand and two)
    into the trunk of a great tree i lay down under (and soon)
    i fell asleep for a hundred years (next thing i knew)
    i awoke in the future

    entire cities of old folks homes
    in every household a hospital bed for everyone
    they laid me down and they stripped my clothes
    gave me a shirt that said “i survived my own life”

    it was cold

    they said our limbs cause us too much pain
    so they cut off my arms and they cut off my legs
    now i’m wandering around and i feel out of place
    i would like to go back to my home

    i told you i told you
    i have nothing left with which to hold you
    i lean up against you
    we need heat where we’re gonna go
    (i have been there i should know)

    it was cold

    and we were old we were old
    we were shedding our skins like some cold blooded animal
    all looking for love in the mirror but you know

     

    that you’re on your own
    you keep yourself
    you live alone

    ×
  17. Prosthetic Love
  18. Prosthetic Love

    my folks they left the tv on
    i was falling in love years before i ever met someone
    like a prayer you don’t expect an answer
    though you ask for one

    assured my love would come along
    like some rare bird and only i would recognize its song
    like the actress i’d seen on the television
    with the stage lights on

    what i found was a gamble
    you threw yourself in with me
    made a cross and you lit a candle
    but we were only

     

    strangers cornered in a dark room
    projecting slides of cozy lives on the wall
    and in the light i thought i saw you
    or was it nothing at all

     

    of everyone i ever knew
    i’m giving it all to you
    and asking everything in return
    i have nothing left to lose
    i’ll get it back through you
    i’ll take your offer

     

    each time i wake i’m still alive
    outlived my expiration date imagine my surprise
    a backwards take on the book of job
    his life was wager and mine’s a joke
    give him what he wants he will never know
    he’s tied up trying to let himself go 

    of everyone i ever knew
    i’ve gotten used to you
    i’ve grown attached to you being here
    of everyone i ever knew
    i learned to count on you
    as my own fingers

    ×
  19. Hunger & Thirst
  20. Hunger & Thirst

    i’m hoping for
    a song that will come to me when i’m a sleep
    because i can’t lie
    and so i can’t write

    eyes in the dark
    and it occurred to me that i have spent
    my whole life
    starting over

    caught pining for the things that i could have been
    i could have been a gold digger
    i could have been a gunslinger
    i could have been a little bigger
    i could have been my own ringer
    i could have been a pop singer
    i could have been a pop singer
    i could have been a pop singer

    but what i am is the silence

    i crawled into the spotlight
    cleared my throat and i closed my eyes
    i sang a song that i didn’t like
    i sang a song that i didn’t like
    and i was left in the long night
    i hoped to god that i wouldn’t die
    before i gave it an honest try
    now i try
    and i try
    and try
    to recall a little white light
    put me back into my right mind
    i dig a hole and see what i can find
    i dig a hole and see what i can find
    i’ve been burying my whole life
    beneath the lie that it looks like
    beneath the song that i didn’t write
    beneath the song that i didn’t write

    i crawled into the spotlight
    and in my state i was a sorry sight
    i sing a song ’til i get it right
    i sing a song ’til i get it right

     

    ×
  21. Caesar
  22. Caesar

    i learned to talk
    said i would be caesar
    or nothing at all

    but i’ve seen the top
    they’ll tear you to pieces
    just to watch you fall

    i climbed back down
    said i would be happy
    with nothing at all

    ×
  23. Common Sentiments
  24. Common Sentiments

    o what am i waiting for
    a spell to be cast or for it to be broken?
    at the very last some wild ghost from my past come to split me wide open?
    if i bandage my eyes will you press in my hand a small simple token?
    i was born deaf or else you’ve never spoken

    i thought it was safe for me and my own
    i began hearing these voices in the dial tone
    and they come to me now though i dismembered my phone

    they say you wanna hear something that you already know
    if it comes from above but this one comes from below
    it says you are sleeping together but you will die alone

    i thought it was safe but the seed had been sown
    as a child i aspired to be a superhero
    now i live with the corpses of the lives i let go
    oh i know you all know how these things start to show

    i have been trying to make myself better
    so i can fare the fair or foul weather
    i write a song like a prison letter
    i write a song maybe to make me feel better
    it won’t break free my fetters

    i know what came after but what happened before
    i began making memories at the age of four
    i learned to use words and i got jealous and bored
    soon i’ll be passing out cold on the kitchen floor

    when am i gonna feel better?
    when am i gonna feel better
    when am i gonna feel better
    i have been patient for a long time now
    i’ve been a patient for a long time now
    i’ve been a patient for a long time now
    i’ve been a patient for a long time now
    and i will never be a younger man now

    o what am i waiting for
    a spell to be cast or for it to be broken?
    at the very last some wild ghost from my past come to split me wide open?
    no.  if i hold out my hand there is nothing at all because nothing’s the token
    i will be good though my body broken

    i will be good
    may i want for nothing at all

    ×
  25. Post Script
  26. Post Script

    i would never leave you broken-hearted
    you’ll never be alone nor made to feel discarded
    as long as i’m alive
    i’ll finish what i started

    the years will go on your pretty face will grow strong and harden
    you’ll own a small patch of land outside of the town where you’ll grow a garden
    and after i’ve departed
    you will never know if

    your love was unconditional

    i tried growing up and i found that it’s more appealing
    i’ll stop hurting myself and put my hands out where you can see me
    and i know that it is a good thing
    that you don’t have to love me

    unconditionally
    it won’t be necessary

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